In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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