i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
