there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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