she was so not down for the gang bang
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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