Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
