guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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