she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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