Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
