Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Randomize
