Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
