...so i touched it.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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