Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
