insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
