suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
