Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
