I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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