Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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