i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
