Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
