hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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