i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
