i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
