She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Im part way to drunk.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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