How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
