yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
