Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
