Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
