I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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