hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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