Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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