i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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