new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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