i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
