found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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