My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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