Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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