I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
