I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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