I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
