The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
