There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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