Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
