My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Who wears a wallet chain?!
false alarm. still invincible.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
