Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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