i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
