Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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