The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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