either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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