I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
