i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
