i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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