That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
