Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
