It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
